Speaker speaks for a while, and after he is done speaking, the listener loops back by saying what he/she thought he heard speaker say. After that, speaker gives feedback on what he thought was missing or misrepresented in listener’s characterization of his original monologue. And they go back and forth until the original speaker feels satisfied that he is correctly understood by the original listener. Looping is a collaborative project in which both people work together to help the listener fully understand the speaker.
For listener:
The third key component to mindful conversation is something Gary called “dipping,” or checking in with ourselves. The main reason we do not listen to others is that we get distracted by our own feelings and internal chatter, often in reaction to what the other person said.
The best way to respond to these internal distractions is to notice and acknowledge them. Know that they are there, try not to judge them, and let them go if they are willing to go. If feelings or other internal distracters decide to stay around, let them be and just be aware of how they may affect your listening. You can think of dipping as self-directed mindfulness during listening.
Dipping is also useful for the speaker. As the speaker speaks, it is useful for her to dip and see what feelings arise as she is speaking. If she likes, she may talk about them, or if she prefers, simply acknowledge them, try not to judge them, and let them go if they are willing to go.
Self-assessment, what you liked and what you want to change. 3 mins.
Informal: - Look for opportunities to bring this quality of mindful conversation informally this week and journal your experiences.
Q. How we can give our full attention to somebody speaking and dip at the same time.
A. The analogy we give is peripheral vision. When we are looking at something, we have central vision and peripheral vision. We can see the chosen object clearly (with central vision), and at the same time, we have a visual sense of what is around it (using peripheral vision). Similarly, we can think of our attention as having a central component and a peripheral component, so we can give our central attention to the other person for listening and still maintain a peripheral attention to ourselves for dipping.